dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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