I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
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