i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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