One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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