I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
