Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
