Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
