You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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