i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
