One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
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She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
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I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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