i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
