Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
