nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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