dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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