The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
