What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he was CRYING into my vagina
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Randomize
