Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(678): View more from Georgia

So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup

Fav 88 4873 1298
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(817): View more from Texas

Do you have any booze?

(214): View more from Texas

Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...

Fav 9 2631 917
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(765): View more from Indiana

Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.

Fav 20 1890 687
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(502): View more from Kentucky

Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room

Fav 3 1171 985
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(609): View more from New Jersey

if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.

Fav 7 1460 862
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(305): View more from Florida

He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.

(1-305): View more from Florida

Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?

Fav 5 1864 630
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(716): View more from New York

Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning

Fav 2 566 845
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(702): View more from Nevada

I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest

Fav 2 70 27
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(310): View more from California

I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”

(310): View more from California

My divorce is turning into a porn script

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