Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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