His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
