Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
