What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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