I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
