Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
