I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
