I saw his package. It spoke to me.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
