i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
