Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
