I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
