So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
