You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
