PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
