I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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