hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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