The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
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