Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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