I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
this hospital has no fireball
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
