I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
