Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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