I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize