Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
