do herpes really smell.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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