Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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