I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
