She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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