You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
