she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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