It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
