Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
