Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Randomize
