I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
