It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
