But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
