just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
