Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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