i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
