the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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