I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
