is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
