Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
