I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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