i think i have two assholes
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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