home. puking in laundry basket.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
