we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize