i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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