i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
