And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
