so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
