Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
