I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
