'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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