My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
