Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
