I'm sorry my penis didn't work
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
