and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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